People are stairways (you can also refer to them as elevators) to your next level. How you approach them for help and treat them determines how much you’ll get from them.
Massage Their Ego
Who doesn’t love their ego to be massaged?
Appreciate people, prove your loyalty to them, celebrate with them often (it mustn’t be on their birthday or anniversary), check up on them as often as you can ( not saying you should be manipulative, but be sincere with your motive), give them thoughtful gifts, offer them help whenever you can, etc.
This shouldn’t be done only when you need their help. Rather, it should be a regular and deliberate practice on your part.
Remember, only those who feel good can do good.
Act Like You Don’t Know
This has to do with seeking information from people.
When you approach people for priceless information or counsel, always put your pride in your pocket. The more you act like your don’t know, the more information they will be willing to give out.
Contrary to popular belief, there are people out there who are willing to teach and transfer the knowledge they have to others who are willing to listen, accept it and work with it.
Ask questions-smart ones, but don’t try to teach them or prove a point that you know as much as they do.
Carry a Positive Attitude/Energy
You might want to dispute this, but even the individual with a stinking attitude will not want to hang around people with the same energy.
Everyone likes and wants to feel great. So, when approaching people for help, always put on your best attitude and carry a positive energy with you.
You may never get the best out of people if you don’t ask. Asking is a way of communicating your needs. Even the Bible says, “Ask and you shall receive…”
Without asking, the other party will never know what you desire or need. People have got lots of issues in their baskets to sort out, don’t add to it.
I understand that asking can be difficult especially if you’re an individual who hates being told no. But, really, there’s no harm in making your request known. And even though your request was being turned down, it isn’t the end of the world.
Who loves hanging around ‘dullards’? No one!
If you want to get the best out of people, spend time developing and grooming yourself.
Picture moving at a rate of 200km/h and someone who has the capacity of only moving at a rate of 50km/h decides to tag along with you… I’m sure you know how difficult that journey will be.
Again, imagine saying A and the other person saying 12? It’ll be obvious that you both are communicating on a totally different frequency.
Of course, no one needs extra baggage. They’ve got so much to carry.
The goal isn’t to know everything. But make sure you know what you’re supposed to know. You can even take it a step further by figuring out the other person’s interest(s) and do a bit of reading on it/them.
Get Rid of the Entitlement Mentality
Having an entitlement mentality hinders you from getting the best from people around you.
It doesn’t matter if the person you need help from is your father, mother, uncle, spouse, best friend, etc. Whatever they decide to do is up to them.
Nobody owes you anything. Please let this sink in. Know that whatever help they are rendering to you is from a place of benevolence and not because they owe you anything.
Be specific with your request. Know what you want.
Don’t approach people for help without knowing exactly what you want. This can be quite irritating and annoying. And it can also create the perception that you are confused.
Always be sure of what you want before you approach anyone for help. Don’t put the responsibility of helping you figure out what you want on them.
The fact that you want to get the best from an individual doesn’t mean that you will throw yourself at them or reduce your self-worth.
It doesn’t work this way. In fact, you’ll end up irritating and scaring the individual.
That you need help or a favour doesn’t mean that you’re poor or of no good. It means that you need the help at that time to scale through a phase.
Put on your self-worth and place that demand. What this does is that it will communicate a good and unbiased message to the individual you’re seeking help from.
Have a Track Record of Achievements
As much as possible, have a track record of achievements and always have them at the tip of your fingers when approaching people for help. And don’t hesitate to showcase it/them when the need arises.
No one wants to be associated with a dead weight. No one wants to associate with an individual who will always rely on them for help.
The fact that you’ve got achievements, either big or small, assures the other person that you aren’t a beggar and that you won’t be a pain in his/her ass. It shows that you are hardworking and responsible.
Offer Value in Return
Don’t just receive help from people and walk away. Always try to offer them your value in return for their help.
But hey, don’t make it look like a trade by barter kind of thing. They will sense it and withdraw because they won’t like the idea of being indebted to you.
You can approach them subtly after a few days or weeks, have conversations with them and be smart enough to pinpoint where and when they’ll need your help. With this singular act, you’ll be able to prove a point to them that you’re not useless and you’re not only focused on receiving but also on giving.
Note that these points are not cast on stone. They can be adjusted, ignored, reviewed or amended. Choose the ones that work best for you.
People can only choose to help you if and when they want to. Fulfilling all the criteria isn’t a guarantee that you will be helped.